The process is taking forever because my doctor isn't proactive, and the various medical professionals I've talked to don't understand that no news is bad news. They're always so upbeat when they report the tests came back normal or negative. At this point, I need a diagnosis so I can be treated. No matter what they tell me, pain is easier to deal with when I know what's happening to me. I know because as I was waiting in the ER back in February, I saw a very tiny baby and remembered the last time I was in the hospital was to have my own tiny baby. I thought to myself, I'd rather be in labor right now. Labor was more painful, but I knew what the pain was and that it would end. This just keeps going.
To top it off, we got hit with the Norovirus that's been sweeping California. All three of us. Because that's just what I needed.
I'm past frustrated and concerned. I don't know what to call this place. Hopeless sounds about right. Some days I feel like I'm just going to wither away. Other days, I feel pretty good and terribly hungry. Then, the pain returns, I drop a couple more pounds, and the cycle continues. I had to cancel a bunch of classes at the end of the semester, which is not good and is not at all like me. I've never had chronic issues that affected my life. I'm lucky like that, but this isn't really the time to be grateful for everything I have had in my life. This is time to figure out what the hell is wrong so I don't die.
I have appointments to see a gastroenterologist and a urologist and an appointment to get an ultrasound next week. I'm trying to feel optimistic, but I'm not. Having an appointment and being treated are two different things.
You might be wondering what my symptoms are (if you aren't wondering, skip this paragraph). I've had pain in my mid-back on both sides, upper abdominal pain, gas, nausea/vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, blood in my urine, cloudy urine, and of course weight loss/lack of appetite. I also have some weird dry skin on my neck that might or might not be related. My CT scan revealed nothing. Whatever blood tests I've had were normal. Stool is normal. No H. Pylori. No family history that matches up with the symptoms I'm having.
Something I am grateful for right now is being done with work for a couple months. A friend recently told me about her friend who made it her "full-time job" to get well, and that sounds about right for me too. I had all these ideas about camping and day trips and cooking this summer, so it's disappointing that I can't enjoy my time off, but at least I have the time to rest.
Thanks for reading.